Six Surprising Things Happening During Social Distancing

A misanthrope’s manifesto

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

After more than a month of isolation from family members across the country, a 5.7 magnitude earthquake and its hundreds of aftershocks that have roiled my city, power outages and food shortages after tornadoes in the southern part of our United States, and free time all day everyday that is inevitably filled by fear-fueled news reports, we could all collectively use a little levity.

So, I made a list of a few little niceties that social distancing and interminable daily angst have given me over the last few days.

1. I drink more water. Because I’m almost out of Diet Coke. I’m going to start digging into my partner’s Diet Dr. Pepper soon (shiver), but in the meantime I’m rationing that Diet Coke, limiting myself to one glass (with plenty of ice) per day. I can’t cut it out completely, because I get the caffeine withdrawal shakes (and headaches), so until the time comes when we can fortify ourselves mentally enough to head back to the store to touch the carts everyone else has sneezed on, enter our PINs into the keypads everyone else has wiped their boogers on, and physically and mentally beef up for fistfights in the toilet paper aisle, I’m drinking less Diet Coke and more water. The only thing is, water is gross, so
2. I also drink more red wine. (See…